Dance With My Father
by tony-luvv
Summary: Tony gets a second chance with Howard. Warning Super Sad and emotional with lots of angst and crying. Also past parents death.


**Okay so I've been meaning to write this for some time. If you haven't read my story 'Best For My Boy' for ImagineIronPanther and like good father Howard go check it out. But anyway I've been thinking a lot about Good Father Howard and then I heard 'Dance With My Father' by Luther Vandross (also very recommended) and my grandfather passed away last week so yeah, sorry to throw all that at you but here you guys go…**

* * *

"Tony, I don't understand why–"

"No Steve, just," he sighed, trying to hold back all the emotions this conversation was making him feel, "drop it." With that Tony spun on his heel and fled the room.

He knew what Steve and the team thought, that he has daddy issues and that's why he never talks about his parents but that was far from the truth.

Tony loved his parents with all his heart, his father was his hero growing up, not only was he a genius and a successful business man but he always tried to keep involved in Tony's life. When he was away on business he would call every day, sometimes twice a day. Times when he wasn't able to get to a phone or talk long, he left little scavenger hunt things around the house for Tony and Maria. A note in Tony's notebook and a few math problems to solve, a new necklace wrapped around one of Maria's favorite bottles of wine. Things he would place in areas he knew his wife and son would find them.

When he was home they did stuff together, curl up in the music room while Maria played on the piano, Howard in his favorite chair reading over some paperwork, a young Tony bouncing between them to hyper sometimes to sit with one parent.

His parents where everything to him, yes it sucked that work and being high profile socialites took up a lot of their time but they always made sure that Tony knew he was loved. Christmas was the one holiday that they always spent together, no matter what. And for a while, it was Tony's favorite holiday, until everything happened.

-x-

As always, someone was making high demands for Howard Stark's presence. But for fuck's sake it was two days before Christmas! There was an early Christmas Eve party that a bunch of high class socialist where expected to attend and of course it was a must that the Stark family attend. Well it just so happened that the day before the party Tony came down with a nasty cold.

"Are you sure Tonio? I don't have to go…" Even as Howard said it he couldn't hide the slight cringe. He very much couldn't miss this party, not only with Obidiah get on his ass but the board and a bunch of business people there that were expecting him. Let's not even get into the media's input on him missing such a big event.

"It's okay dad," Tony got out through a few coughs before groaning and wiggling further under his covers. Maria stood over her sick son, Tony was home for the holidays, her baby was only 15 years old and in his second year of college. Her baby is a genius but she misses him dearly while he's in school. She cherished the holidays but now this cold and gala where interfering with that short window of time.

Running a hand through Tony's sweaty hair she looked to her husband, "Howard," she waited for the other man to look at her, "go, I'll stay with him and watch over him. I don't think I'll get in as much trouble missing this party as you will."

Howard looked between Maria and Tony, the former giving him a weak but reassuring smile. Sometimes Howard really hated how much his work demanded of him. He sat down on the bed next to Tony, rubbing a soothing hand along his back when Tony curled on his side towards him. "I'll be back as soon as possible."

"Go dad, I'll be fine."

"Okay, okay. I'm going." With a kiss to Tony's fevered forehead and a quick peck goodbye to Maria, Howard left for the Christmas Eve gala.

Later that night, the Stark household got a phone call, Howard Stark was in a car accident and died on impact.

That Christmas was filled with tears and devastation.

Then things got worse. After the funeral and holidays being over, Tony had to return back to school. With her husband buried and her son away, Maria slowly sunk deeper and deeper into depression. Tony tried his hardest, calling as much as possible, coming home when ever his work load let it but it wasn't enough. Ironically, Maria Stark O.D. on alcohol and sleeping pills the day before Tony came home for Christmas break.

Losing his parents one Christmas after another was hard, if it wasn't for Rhodey, Tony might have been joining his parents in the ground for the holidays that year and the following. But instead he finished school and took over Stark Industries when he came of age, determined to make his father proud no matter what.

-x-

Tony can't help it, he knows Steve only means well, just wanting to connect with Tony and part of his past but it's just too hard. He can barely make it through interviews and speeches that involve his parents, it takes every ounce of will power not to get choked up and cry anytime they are mentioned. So when Steve unexpectedly brings up Howard and starts asking prying questions, Tony feels everything inside him be pulled tight. He misses his parents so much they were ripped out of his life so suddenly and so early that it makes it hard subject to talk about.

Tony still has moments, when he accomplishes something worthwhile or something significant happens, he'll have these . . . dreams. Like when he graduated college, looking into the crowd and seeing Mama Rhodes (who pretty much adopted him when Rhodey first brought him home for Thanksgiving Break and was practically a second mother to him) cheering and crying for him in the audience, it made his heart soar.

But what he's never told anyone is that that night, he had a dream. Pride and feelings of accomplishment were very vivid in this dream like he was walking off the stage with his degrees, but then suddenly he was in an open field. Confused he started looking around turning this way and that when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. Looking to his left, there they were. His mom and dad, standing there smiling at him with open arms. He remembers, crying in the dream as he ran to them and they engulfed him in a hug. So many things came pouring out of him, questions _how? What are you doing here?_ Confessions _I'm so sorry, it's all my fault. I miss you guys so much. . . I never got to say goodbye._ They never said anything back, just held him tight through his tears and radiating a strong sense of being proud of him. And then he woke up crying, that morning he laid in bed until he cried himself back to sleep.

Over the years, this dream has happen on a few occasions similar to graduation. And with every dream he misses them a little more and wishes for just one more chance with them.

-x-

He never thought that wish would come true.

Tony had thought he was alone, sitting in his penthouse. It was a quiet night, he finished all his projects and was just sitting on the couch. Music was playing from the TV, turn to one of those music channels while he absent mindedly searched the internet. When the song changed over he didn't think much of it, until the words started to register.

 _Back when I was a child_  
 _Before life removed all the innocence_  
 _My father would lift me high_  
 _And dance with my mother and me_  
 _And then_  
 _Spin me around 'till I fell asleep_  
 _Then up the stairs he would carry me_  
 _And I knew for sure_  
 _I was loved_

Memories flashed before his eyes, Mama at the piano, dad holding him in the air and spinning circles around the piano as his younger self laughed joyously. Late at night after his dad had tucked him in and he snuck downstairs, soft music playing as his parents swayed together in the middle of the den.

 _If I could get another chance_  
 _Another walk_  
 _Another dance with him_  
 _I'd play a song that would never ever end_  
 _How I'd love love love_  
 _To dance with my father again_

Tears streamed down his face as he got lost in his memories.

 _When I and my mother_  
 _Would disagree_  
 _To get my way I would run_  
 _From her to him_  
 _He'd make me laugh just to comfort me_  
 _yeah yeah_  
 _Then finally make me do_  
 _Just what my mama said_  
 _Later that night when I was asleep_  
 _He left a dollar under my sheet_  
 _Never dreamed that he_  
 _Would be gone from me_

 _If I could steal one final glance_  
 _One final step_  
 _One final dance with him  
I"d play a song that would never ever end_  
 _Cause I'd love love love to_  
 _Dance with my father again_

 _Sometimes I'd listen outside her door_  
 _And I'd hear how mama would cry for him_  
 _I'd pray for her even more than me_  
 _I'd pray for her even more than me_

Watching his mother slow decline into depression. . .

 _I know I'm praying for much to much_  
 _But could you send her_  
 _The only man she loved_  
 _I know you don't do it usually_  
 _But Dear Lord_  
 _She's dying to dance with my father again_  
 _Every night I fall asleep_  
 _And this is all I ever dream_

By the time the song had ended Tony had curled up around a pillow sobbing into his knees and soft fabric, unaware of the audience he had gained at some point during the song.

-x-

A few days later and Tony was finally feeling more like himself. That first day after hearing the song was spent locked away in his room, too emotional to try and keep up a strong front in front of the other. The next day he was able to leave the room but he try to keep away from the others and when he did come across someone he kept there interactions short.

It was day three and he was feel brave enough to socialize when Jarvis alerted him to a disturbance on his floor. The others had been alerted as well and were on their way there as well. Having been in his workshop, Tony was the last to arrive since he was the furthest from his own floor. So stepping off his elevator he was confused to see the small group huddled around something.

When he got closer and heard a voice he froze. He must have made a noise because everyone turned to look at him and then seemed to part out of the way until he was able to see Steve standing next to . . . his _dad_. The two had been fretting over each other but then noticed that everyone's attention had turned elsewhere.

When Howard looked over to see a man with a blue circle glowing in his chest in didn't take him anytime at all to figure out who that was. "Tony." It was like a spell was broken when his dad said his name, soon the two were sprinting across the room for each other.

"Da–" Tony tried but he choked on a sob, all the saddest he'd been feeling over the past few days came back tenfold. The team stood around watching as father and son reunited with each other. Loki, who had been an avenger for over a year now quietly shuffled everyone out of the room, leaving the two Starks to their moment.

"Tony, Tonio. Anthony, I'm so sorry I left you like that."

Tony just clutched tighter, 'dads' and 'sorrys' pouring out of him when he wasn't choking on a sob.

Howard pulled back so that they were eye to eye. "You have **nothing** to be sorry about. Anthony, that was not your fault, you hear me? It was not your fault and I'm sorry what I put you and your mother through. I'm not going to sit here and play the blame game with you but yes maybe I should have tried harder to stay home that night but that's the past and this is now." Strong thumbs, the right being a bit crooked and the left having a divot were a scar went right across the skin (just like he remembered) whipped the tears from his cheeks. "I am so proud of you, no matter what you've done in life, I will always be proud to call you my son. I love you so much Tony."

"I love you too Dad."

-x-

Sadly they didn't have much time together, they had been standing in the living room together, both men trying to soak up the image of the other and breathe through all the tears and happy laughter that was pouring out of them. . .when the song started playing over the speakers.

 _Back when I was a child_  
 _Before life removed all the innocence_  
 _My father would lift me high_  
 _And dance with my mother and me_  
 _And then_

Tony laughed a little brokenly, Howard was confused at first but then as more lyrics flowed across the room he laughed and smiled. Turning his full attention back to Tony (they had been standing at arm's length, trying to make sure they were really seeing the other) he opened his arms, "Will you dance with me?"

Tony laughed through another sob, "Yeah dad," his voice was weak but he continued, "of course I will." Even though he's a fully grown man, he stepped into his father's arms as if he were a child again. His head rested over Howard's heart while he tried his hardest to memorize the heartbeat. His hands had a death grip on the back of Howard's shirt while his father arms were secure and **real** around him. The music played over the speakers as they swayed together. . .

 _I know I'm praying for much to much_  
 _But could you send her_  
 _The only man she loved_  
 _I know you don't do it usually_  
 _But Dear Lord_  
 _She's dying to dance with my father again_  
 _Every night I fall asleep_  
 _And this is all I ever dream_

When the song ended he blinked his eyes open. Stepping back, he noticed that his dad was starting to fade right before his eyes. He was to scream and shout that this wasn't fair, why couldn't they have more time? But instead he took a deep breath and looked at his father for the last time.

"Bye Dad, I love you." Tears swam in his vision and he hurriedly brushed them away so he could properly see his dad for the last time.

"Bye Son, I love you too." And then he vanished.

He stared at the space where his father was for a long time, he wasn't sure how long but then there was movement to his side and he turned to see Loki.

The trickster looked nervous and so assure of himself. He opened and closed his mouth, wanting to say something but unsure what to say or how to start.

"Hey Loki."

"Yes?" The god looked up from where he was staring at the floor.

"Thank You."

* * *

 **Okay so I actually cried while writing this like three times, the "Graduation Dream" was actually based off my own life. My older brother died when I was in middle school and when I graduated high school I had the dream so that's where that came from.**


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